Everyone thinks I’m dead. They’ve tried burying me—twice. Dragged me to the edge of a cliff, ready to toss me for good—until they heard it. The ticking. Slow, steady, impossible to ignore. Panic set in. Was I about to explode? Was this some cruel cosmic joke? Nobody wanted to find out.

So they did the only logical thing—they left me alone. And I couldn’t be happier. No prodding, no questioning, just me and my cozy coffin, enjoying the bliss of solitude. I curl up in the dark, listening to the world panic over what I might be. Maybe I’ll go off one day. Maybe I won’t. Either way, their fear is my peace—and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.